Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
