So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
