Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
