Your mouth is God's brothel.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
