The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
