I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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