It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
