So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
