i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize