C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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