I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
