you mean i was at the winter classic?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just forgot I was standing up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
