it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
