so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
