dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
