Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
