I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
