Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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