I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
