oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
