Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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