just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Come share oat with me in your robe
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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