see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
