I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
