Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
