I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
