I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
