I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
