so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
