Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
