It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
