I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
