Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
