Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
