my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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