Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize