he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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