That's intense
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
