So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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