i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
