I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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