Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
