your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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It's rum buckets o'clock
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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