we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
