in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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