OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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