Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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