The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
