we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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