They should really pass out barf bags in church
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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