I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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