btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
