yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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