no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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