OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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