when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
