Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you had me at cake vodka
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
