i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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