I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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