I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I fill condoms, not promises.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
