My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
