How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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